September 28, 2004
Spanish Popeye
On Monday, the Times had an article about the 60/40 rule, a Giuliani era law that prevents video stores from stocking more than 40% of their merchandise with adult material. The original idea was to limit the profitability of porn shops, but the practical effect of the law is that the stores now have a unusually eclectic selection of merchandise up front. This in turn has raised an interesting philosophical question for law enforcement: at what point is a product not really a product? Is junk a commodity if no one wants to buy it? The Times explains:
"In enforcement lingo, this is known as 'sham compliance.' Robert Sacklow, the inexhaustible buildings inspector for the Office of Midtown Enforcement, calls the merchandise ‘Spanish Popeye.’ The term stems from a sex shop he once inspected in the Bronx that had 12,000 X-rated videos -- and a single wall covered with 18,000 copies of Popeye cartoon videos dubbed in Spanish."
The Spanish Popeye at my local video store is comprised of Chinese and Korean DVDs, air-fresheners, umbrellas, and, oddly, copies of The Passion of The Christ. But where does it all come from? There must be a guy in New York who stocks porn shops with products that no-one will buy. Who is this mysterious Spanish Popeye distributor?
"Hi, this is Rob over at Spanish Popeye LLC."
"Hi Rob."
“Listen, I’ve got a crate full of Korean DVDs I thought you might be interested in.”
“Nah, No good, there’s this guy online whose been raving about them.”
“Well how about videos documenting dressage in Kazakhstan.”
“Perfect, give me... um... let's see... 2,000 of them.”
“You’ll like these. They are guaranteed not to move.”
Spanish Popeye is a Potemkin product. You put it on the shelves to create the illusion of commerce, but it's not really for sale. When you do try and buy it it's like your breaking a code, the clerks feel put out. "Oh man, here’s that guy.. quick, cover up the Spanish Popeye!"
One day, the Spanish Popeye merchant comes by with a crate full of DVDs.
“Oh, I don’t know Rob... Might not match the uh ... the uh, image we’re trying to portray here.”
“Come on – they fell off a truck. I’ve got cases of them. They won’t move here, you know that.”
“But it’s sort of in bad taste, isn’t it?”
“Oh come on, have you seen what they say about us? It’s the least we can do."
“Oh, all right then.”
But after they bought them they started to move. They couldn’t keep them in stock. They moved them over next to the ball gags but still, they flew off the shelves.
“Hey Rob. Yeah. Sit down and listen. I’ve got a problem with that Jesus Spanish Popeye.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s selling.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. Now get down here and get rid of this stuff.”
“You bet boss. Won’t happen again.”
The ideal Spanish Popeye would have to be the original Spanish Popeye. It is the last thing anyone in the world would want, except for someone who needed Spanish Popeye. It is total zen merchandise.
Get it while it’s hot.
On a not unrelated note, the new Tom Waits Album is out this week.
On an unrelated note - pass this trailer along to your friends. And then go demand an apology from your local republican.
